If you picked up this article it’s likely you’re either looking to read something controversial or you’re a parent sincerely seeking some answers about spanking. I trust you’re the latter and that you’ll discover a thoughtful perspective on this subject in the middle of the unquestioned views about it in our society. You may also notice a dose of cynicism and sarcasm directed at cultural, woke perspectives. Like many others, I grow weary of political correctness, especially when it obscures objective observations about our most precious and innocent asset—our children.
Regarding the question, “Is it OK to spank my children?”, one may wonder if it’s even acceptable to ask. Can we really discuss this openly? Isn’t all spanking considered abuse these days?
According to the experts on all things parenting, the verdict is already in. Just take a look at these headlines from the field of child psychology:
“The American Academy Of Pediatrics On Spanking Children: Don't Do It, Ever.” 1
“Why You Shouldn’t Spank Your Kids and What To Do Instead” 2
“The Spanking Debate Is Over: The Empirical, Theoretical, and Moral Arguments Against Spanking are Compelling.”3
I encourage you to read these articles and more. It's important for every parent to do their due diligence and make decisions that truly serve their children's best interests. Parents should arrive at their own conclusions, free from fear, pressure, or the judgment of others—whether it's reactive soccer moms labeling loving parents as abusive or overzealous evangelicals misapplying “spare the rod, spoil the child” (Proverbs 13:14).
Based on the large amount of research I've reviewed, the use of corporal punishment—a term I dislike which, frankly, sounds harsh and fails to reflect the true nature of this loving discipline—has declined from approximately 50% in 1993 to about 35% in 2017 (the most recent reliable study).4 The vast majority of psychologists highlight the negative effects associated with spanking. However, the assumptions and methodologies behind their studies raise several important questions that should be addressed:
How did researchers define the terms “spanking” or “corporal punishment”?
Did the studies consider how often caregivers exercised such punishment and how severe it was? When exploring the negative effects upon children who were spanked, aren’t the matters of frequency, method and force important?
Given the barrage of abuse accusations and negativity surrounding spanking, were the research subjects (parents) who spanked their children reluctant to admit it, possibly skewing the reported numbers of those who actually practice this form of discipline? For instance, in one study, respondents with children were asked, “How often do you spank your child(ren)?” (Sounds a lot like asking, “How often do you beat your wife?”) In today’s cultural climate, who would dare to disclose it?
Does the assumption that spanking is solely a form of “punishment” or “corporal punishment”—with its inherently negative connotation—introduce a bias in the research that seeks confirmation? For example, I was taught that spanking was meant to be redemptive, not merely punitive. It was an act of love, often challenging for parents to implement, aimed at correcting behavior and helping children reach their moral potential. What are the effects of spanking on children whose parents embraced this redemptive approach and practiced it in rare, measured, and appropriate ways? Where is the research addressing this question? My belief is that children raised in such environments likely benefit significantly. Is it fair to group those who apply this discipline with love and intention alongside those who misapply it and misunderstand its purpose?
What about the evidence from millions of adults who, with a full understanding of both the positive and negative aspects of their childhoods, claim that in the end, they benefited and became better people by being spanked? While there are many voices exclaiming the abusive effects of spanking, why aren’t the vast majority of those who were spanked and who experienced it’s benefits cited as well?
Isn’t it a straw man argument to claim that because a minority of people have misapplied spanking, all forms of spanking and all who practice it are harmful?
Finally, can we really say that children in the U.S. are “better off” in light of the reduction in spanking? Do the rising rates of depression, anxiety, isolation, suicide and violence support the claim that the decrease in spanking from a generation ago has led to positive outcomes? Weren’t children better off 75 years ago—a time when spanking was prevalent—than they are today? The indicators suggest they were. If spanking truly leads to increased aggression and violence, as cited by many studies, why hasn’t there been a corresponding decrease in violent behavior among children and teens alongside the decline in spanking? (For a deeper exploration of how prevailing societal assumptions negatively impact children and teens, I highly recommend “Bad Therapy” by Abigail Shrier. It offers valuable insights on this critical issue.)
My review of the research was not exhaustive, but it’s evident that few, if any, empirical studies on spanking adequately address these variables.
Can all these psychologists really be wrong? The answer is yes. Even well-intentioned individuals can reach flawed conclusions when their analyses rely on studies with questionable assumptions and narrow research scopes.
Psychologists and health scientists are undeniably swayed by political and societal trends. We’ve seen this play out dramatically, from the extreme measures taken during the COVID pandemic— where misconduct has been clearly confirmed—to the pharmaceutical lobbyists exerting their influence in Congress. Then there are the gender transition evangelists who defy basic biology, often putting our under-age children at risk. California itself has passed a law that threatens to remove kids from parents in custody decisions who do not accept gender transition ideology for their children. This law was partially based upon “expert” scientific, psychological opinion. Contagion sweeps across the scientific community. Group think prevails. Money becomes a motivator. Objective science gets set aside.
Yet, despite societal disapproval and changing trends, at least 35% of parents in our country spank their children. When examining the number of children in the U.S. who have been spanked, one research study found that 49% of children age 0 to 9 experienced spanking.5 It’s clear that spanking remains a common practice.
I am not suggesting that spanking should be the first response to misbehavior. While other methods—such as grounding, time-outs, and positive reinforcement—may demand more time and patience from parents, they should always be attempted first. However, when those approaches have been exhausted, spanking remains a viable, healthy option.
Given the surrounding controversy, fear of judgment, and potential accusations of harm, you might wonder, “Why even consider spanking my child?” That’s a fair question; the intimidation can be overwhelming.
But there’s a straightforward answer: when practiced correctly, spanking is effective. It teaches children right from wrong, redirects inappropriate behavior, and helps develop moral character. Our parents and grandparents knew this to be true. Many of us who practice it today know this to be true. Just as those who choose alternative disciplinary methods love their children, we view spanking as an act of love from parents who genuinely want the best for their kids. As we know, love isn't just about giving our children what they want or what feels comfortable for us; it’s about providing them with what they truly need.
The key is to understand the proper application of spanking within the broader context of discipline. If you don’t grasp the parental motivations that should accompany spanking or the appropriate techniques for its implementation, then you should avoid using it altogether.
I’ve devoted a 22-page eBook to the broader subject of discipline that also covers when and how to use spanking, as well as instances when it should never be used. The eBook answers the common questions: “Doesn’t Spanking Teach Our Kids Violence?” and “Aren’t Other Methods of Discipline Just As Effective?” You can get the eBook “Brave Boundaries: A Practical Guide for Effective, Loving Discipline at Any Age” by finding the product on our home page.
If you’re a parent who understands the why, when, and how of spanking, there’s no reason to feel guilty or fearful about using it as an appropriate form of discipline. Have the courage to swim against the cultural currents and do what you believe is best for your children. And if you decide it’s not for you—then great! I trust you’ve made an informed decision based upon both sides of the question. Go in peace and thrive.
Mike Ayers, Ph.D.
P.S. Now that you’ve read this post, email me to let me know your biggest takeaway. I read every response!
1 https://www.npr.org/2018/11/11/666646403/the-american-academy-of-pediatrics-on-spanking-children-dont-do-it-ever. November 11, 2018.
2 https://health.clevelandclinic.org/pediatricians-say-dont-spank-your-kids-heres-why-what-to-do-instead. January 27, 2022.
3 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/201802/the-spanking-debate-is-over. February 5, 2018.
4 https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/2768829 July 27, 2020
5 https://www.unh.edu/ccrc/sites/default/files/media/2022-02/corporal-punishment-current-rates-from-a-national-survey.pdf May 22, 2019.
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