That day was a fisherman’s dream. Four anglers, who had flown into a remote Alaskan bay with high hopes, struck gold as they reeled in one salmon after another. The next morning, they loaded their gear into their seaplane for a routine takeoff. But what they encountered was anything but routine. As they neared takeoff, the pilot discovered that one of the plane’s pontoons had filled with water. Though he managed to get the plane airborne, the weight of the water caused a dangerous turn and they crashed into the icy sea.
Stranded far from shore, the fishermen had to fight against a fierce current in freezing waters. Two of them swam furiously and eventually reached the shore, utterly exhausted. When they turned around they saw a sight that would mark them for the rest of their lives.
The other two, Dr. Phil Littleford and his 12-year-old son Mark, were swimming against the current. While both Mark and his dad were competent swimmers, Mark lacked the strength to overcome the pull of the ocean. Dr. Littleford, fully capable of struggling his way to shore alone, chose rather to stay with his son rather than save himself. The two of them drifted out to open, icy seas and they died in each other’s arms.
This tragic and true event is recorded in Pat Morley’s book, “Man in the Mirror.”
The depth of love in that story is profound and I’m not ashamed to admit that I got a little choked up when I first read it. I’d like to believe I would make the same choice if faced with a similar situation with my own child. I imagine most of you dads would hope you’d make that same decision too. It’s not because we are hero types or have any special dispensations of courage; it’s simply a matter of what it means to be a dad.
At times a father’s heart can express itself in moment of irrational, unbelievable, and heartfelt love. It’s the way God wired us as dads— to be protectors and providers. Most of us would literally die for our kids.
Moms, of course, display their own form of courage and love. Where would we be without the fortitude, bravery, strength and dedication of our mothers? However, I want to highlight the distinctive role men have in our world and in the lives of their children—a role that has often been overlooked, redefined, or criticized.
In a time when traditional gender roles are frequently questioned, core values of masculinity—such as chivalry, bravery, and the instinct to protect—are still deeply important. These qualities are essential not only for personal character but also for nurturing courage and integrity in the next generation. Such bravery is needed now and in the future.
On the heels of the anniversary of 9/11 and in honor to the bravery on that day, I want to celebrate and highlight the positive contributions of true masculinity and encourage you as a dad to embrace this part of your identity without hesitation or apology.
Innate in Man
Men have long been protectors, driven by a deep-seated sense of duty to defend the innocent, vulnerable and defenseless. This role has been expressed in countless ways throughout history, underscoring the inborn connection between masculinity and courage.
Did you know that on the tragic day of September 11, 2001, when terrorists struck the World Trade Center, resulting in 2,977 deaths, men died at a rate of three to one compared to women? Although many acts of bravery were performed by women on that day, a significant number of the men who lost their lives were first responders and ordinary individuals who ran toward danger to rescue others, not away from it. This kind of courage and masculinity deserves to be acknowledged and celebrated, not concealed.
One of the least visited memorials in Washington, DC is a waterfront statue commemorating the men who died on the Titanic. Maybe you didn’t even know it exists? 74% of the women passengers survived the 1912 disaster, while 80% of the men perished. Why? Because the men followed the principle: ‘women and children first.’
The monument, an 18-foot granite male figure with arms outstretched to the side, was erected by ‘the women of America’ in 1931 to show their gratitude. The inscription reads: “To the brave men who perished in the wreck of the Titanic. April 15, 1912. They gave their lives that women and children might be saved.”
Let’s not apologize nor minimize the sense of bravery and sacrifice that men uniquely bring to our world. Let’s also be sure to pass on to our children what real men look like: individuals of courage, humility, authenticity, endurance and sacrifice.
The Role of Fathers to Children
Fathers play a pivotal role in reflecting and transmitting the values of masculinity, chivalry, and bravery to their children. This is important for both sons and daughters to see. Our sons will grow up to emulate the masculinity they respect in their father. Our daughters will grow up desiring to marry a man who embodies the masculinity that is honorable in their father.
Courage and masculinity don't always need to be dramatic or extraordinary—heroism can be found in everyday moments. Here are four simple phrases that exemplify positive masculinity and provide our kids with important lessons in courage and responsibility.
“I Know It’s Tough, But Do Not Quit”
Fathers serve as crucial role models for their children. By demonstrating bravery and chivalry in the small actions of everyday life, fathers provide tangible examples of how to confront challenges with courage. This involves facing personal and professional difficulties with resilience, making difficult decisions, and showing respect and care for others.
For instance, a father who navigates work-related stress or personal hardships with determination and integrity models the behavior of confronting adversity with strength. Similarly, by acting humbly and treating others with kindness and prioritizing their needs, fathers demonstrate chivalry and the importance of putting others first.
“Push Past Your Fear”
Modern masculinity recognizes that emotional bravery is as important as physical bravery. Encouraging children to take risks and engage in problem-solving is essential for building confidence and bravery. Fathers can support this by allowing their children to face challenges that push their boundaries and by stepping back to let them solve problems independently thereby communicating there rarely is reward without risk and independence.
For instance, if a child wants to participate in a competitive event or tackle a challenging project, a father who provides encouragement and support helps the child understand that bravery involves stepping out of one’s comfort zone and learning from both successes and failures. This fosters a growth mindset and teaches that courage is about effort and perseverance.
“We Defend the Innocent and Defenseless, and We Oppose Injustice”
Moral courage involves standing up for what is right, even in the face of opposition or difficulty. Fathers can instill this quality by discussing ethical dilemmas, demonstrating principled behavior, and encouraging their children to act with integrity. By making decisions based on values and advocating for justice, fathers teach their children that true bravery includes moral fortitude.
For example, if a father witnesses an injustice and takes a stand, he models moral courage for his children. This behavior reinforces the idea that bravery involves not just personal challenges but also standing up for others and maintaining one’s principles in the face of adversity.
“I Believe in You. You Can Do This”
Positive reinforcement and encouragement are crucial for developing a child’s confidence and sense of bravery. Fathers who celebrate their children’s efforts and progress, regardless of the outcome, help build resilience and a positive attitude toward challenges.
For example, praising a child’s attempts at a new skill or supporting them through difficult tasks reinforces the idea that courage involves striving to improve and facing challenges head-on. This encouragement helps children associate bravery with continuous growth and learning.
The overarching message is clear: men need to be men. I’m not saying all men have to be the stereotypical Alpha male (though that’s not a necessarily negative trait). I’m not talking about egotistical or authoritarian men who demand unwavering allegiance; a man who has to be dominant and domineering. I’m not suggesting a return to caveman behaviors. Instead, I’m highlighting the value of men and fathers who embody positive masculinity—those who are ready to protect, defend, provide and sacrifice for what’s good and right in the world, particularly for women and children. Men of honor are strong, but they are also selfless. They embody servant leadership. In the family, this means the needs of the wife and children go first. Dad goes last.
Let’s pray these types of men never disappear from our world.
Mike Ayers, Ph.D.
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