In a world that often prioritizes the bad and imperfect— just watch the evening news— gratitude has become a rare, almost radical, practice. We live in a culture that trains us to focus on what’s wrong, what’s missing, or what could be better. The constant bombardment of negative information, unmet expectations, and personal struggles can easily overshadow the blessings that are quietly woven into the fabric of our everyday lives. But gratitude is not something that happens spontaneously—it’s a discipline. It’s the conscious effort of noticing the good, even when it's hidden behind imperfections.
One powerful story that illustrates this practice comes from the Bible (Luke 17:11-19), where ten lepers were miraculously healed by Jesus. As they were on their way to the priests, all ten were cured, but only one returned to thank Jesus. The other nine simply kept going, focused on the next thing. But the one leper, a Samaritan, stopped. He took the time to notice, reflect, and express gratitude. In doing so, he demonstrated a rare, profound practice—the discipline of noticing.
We all hear that story and say it’s tragic and not right. Jesus deserves better. Yes he does, but the story points out something that may be true for us too— that there is a way of living life calloused to the blessings we have. We may not have ever had a disease cured, but there are a multitude of things to be grateful for in this life.
This "noticing" is a skill that many of us overlook, but it can radically change the way we view life. It is also a crucial first step in developing a grateful heart.
1. Develop the Discipline of Noticing
Gratitude flows from a kind of vision that actively seeks out blessings. It’s about more than just feeling thankful—it’s about seeing the good. Unfortunately, many people live ungrateful lives not because they don’t have anything to be grateful for, but because they aren’t paying attention. The constant noise of life, paired with our natural tendency to focus on what’s wrong (a result of our brain's negativity bias), can make gratitude feel out of reach.
Our culture doesn't make this any easier. We’re surrounded by constant comparisons—what other people have, what we're missing, and what we feel entitled to. And while it’s natural to feel frustrated when things don’t go our way, it’s also easy to slip into a habit of ingratitude. We become so focused on what’s not going right that we fail to appreciate the blessings, big and small, that are present in our lives.
Gratitude, therefore, requires us to develop the discipline of noticing the positive aspects of life. It takes work, but by actively choosing to focus on the good—even when things aren’t perfect—we can begin to change our perspective. Like the leper in the story, we need to stop, turn around, and give thanks for what has been given to us.
2. Be Grateful for Imperfect Gifts
One of the most difficult aspects of gratitude is accepting that everything we have—every gift, every relationship, every opportunity—is, in some way, imperfect. In a world that glorifies perfection, we often struggle to be thankful for anything that falls short of our ideal.
This is especially true for those of us with perfectionistic tendencies. For many, it's all or nothing: Either something is perfect, or it's ruined. We’re waiting for the “perfect moment,” the “perfect job,” the “perfect relationship” before we’ll express our gratitude. But here’s the truth: If we wait for things to be perfect before we give thanks, we’ll never give thanks. Because in this world, the only gifts we ever receive are imperfect ones.
Our world is filled with imperfect jobs, imperfect circumstances, imperfect material things, and imperfect people. But when we learn to appreciate the imperfect, we open ourselves to the richness of life’s blessings. We become comfortable with imperfection, and that’s when true gratitude can take root.
Perfectionism often brings underlying discontent. It makes us believe that nothing is good enough, that everything must be flawless in order to be worthwhile. In this, the perfect creates a blindness to the good. But when we start to appreciate the messy, broken, and incomplete aspects of life, we cultivate a deeper gratitude. Acknowledging that life is imperfect—and still finding reasons to give thanks—allows us to experience a more honest, fulfilling form of gratitude.
3. Gratitude Isn’t Dependent on Circumstances
There’s a dangerous illusion that many of us fall into: We think that if enough good things happen, we’ll feel permanently grateful. We believe that circumstances—getting the right job, finding the perfect partner, or having a flawless day—will somehow produce lasting gratitude. But this is a deception. If we wait for circumstances to line up perfectly, we’ll always be waiting.
True gratitude doesn’t come from circumstances; it comes from perspective. It’s a choice, not a reaction. Yes, it’s easier to feel thankful when things are going well, but real gratitude transcends the highs and lows of life. It’s about choosing to see the good, even when life doesn’t meet our expectations.
Gratitude isn’t a passive response to good things; it’s an active decision to find blessings in the middle of life’s messiness. When we choose to see the good, even in the midst of hardship, we develop a heart that is able to rejoice regardless of circumstances.
4. The Consequences of Ingratitude
When gratitude is absent from our lives, the heart grows smaller, harder, and colder. Over time, ingratitude can make us bitter, resentful, and entitled. We begin to see ourselves as victims, focusing on what we don’t have, rather than what we do. It’s a miserable way to live, and it slowly robs us of joy.
If you’re honest, some of you may have to admit, "I really live with an ungrateful heart." It’s easy to fall into a mindset of entitlement, where we expect good things without feeling the need to appreciate them. This leads to bitterness, frustration, and dissatisfaction. But when we make the choice to develop a grateful heart—by noticing the blessings, accepting imperfection, and shifting our perspective—we open ourselves to a life of contentment and peace.
Conclusion: Gratitude as a Way of Life
Gratitude is not a quick fix. It’s a lifelong practice. And like any discipline, it requires time, effort, and intentionality. But the more we cultivate the habit of noticing, the more we learn to be thankful for imperfect gifts, and the more we shift our perspective, the richer and more fulfilling our lives become. Gratitude is a powerful antidote to negativity, bitterness, and discontent.
So, let’s stop waiting for things to be perfect. Let’s stop waiting for the “perfect moment” to express our thanks. And let’s start noticing the blessings around us, even in the midst of life’s messiness. Because the truth is, there’s always something to be thankful for—even if it’s just the fact that we’re here, imperfect but alive, with the opportunity to grow, change, and give thanks.
Mike Ayers, Ph.D.
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