One of the supreme influencers in the history of our nation was Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. In my opinion, the greatest speech of the 20th century was his “I Have a Dream” speech. As a leadership professor for two decades, I would often show the video of Dr. King’s speech that took place in Washington, D.C. in August of 1963. I used the speech as an illustration of the power of vision and how leaders communicate to inspire others. Often, I teared up in class as I saw Dr. King look over the crowd and onto the horizon as he spoke. I could see how he envisioned the very things about which he was speaking. I am moved every time I see and hear him say, “I have a dream that one day little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers”.
No matter the race of children, kids naturally notice differences across racial lines. But, simply recognizing differences doesn't automatically lead to positive or negative beliefs. These judgments develop over time and are influenced by the social environment and experiences children encounter.
It is also self-evident that fathers play a significant role in shaping these beliefs. Research indicates that parental influence extends beyond a child's early years into adolescence and that the process involves both explicit (deliberate) and implicit (subconscious) messages parents convey to their children. Studies also show that potent, positive parental influences on views of race can transcend negative perceptions children may receive from society.
While the exact modes of transmission aren't fully understood, there is good news: While children will pick up bias from society unless parents actively address it, with intention and modelling dads can have a positive impact in combating prejudice in their children.
Here are some ways fathers can help increase racial tolerance and unity within their children:
Promote Positive Images:
Combat negative stereotypes by exposing children to positive, counter-stereotypical portrayals in stories, books, and films that showcase diverse role models and moral exemplars.
Foster Cross-Group Friendships:
Ignorance is the companion of bias. The more we personally know people and their story, the less we judge them. Research underscores the importance of cross-race friendships in reducing prejudice. Support your child in actively forming connections with individuals from different racial backgrounds.
Model Cross-Group Friendships:
Parents can set an example by normalizing cross-group friendships in their own social networks.
Address Race Explicitly:
Avoiding discussions about race can contribute to the absorption of biases. Address race and the impact of racism explicitly. Don’t be afraid to discuss... and don’t avoid discussions believing that your children already know about how to perceive and treat others.
Challenge Your Own Biases:
Parents' biases, whether explicit or implicit, can shape children's perspectives. Stay mindful of your biases and actively work to counter them through conscious efforts, exposure to diverse viewpoints, and fostering positive interactions across racial lines.
Obviously, dads play a crucial role in shaping their children's attitudes towards race, and by taking proactive steps, you can contribute to reducing bias in the long term.
But beyond race, let me ask— how do you treat people in general? What kind of tolerance do you display? How do you perceive and treat that waitress, homeless person, or janitor in your office... or, the person who has three times your wealth? Bias and prejudice extends beyond race. How do your children hear you speak about others and see how you treat others?
Going back to the March on Washington speech, Dr. King clearly states the goal for us: “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”
That’s it! That’s what we aspire to as fathers. That our children will learn not to judge people by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. Then, from that foundation, they will be able to move beyond tolerance to true unity with others who are different from them.
I'd love to hear your biggest takeaway, questions or comments. Please email me! I read and respond to every email.
Mike Ayers, Ph.D.
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